why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
