what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
