idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
