I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize