Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
