Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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