Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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