turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
