fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
