I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize