Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
