Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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