he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
