he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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