how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
