did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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