My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
