dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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