Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize