That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
