Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
