Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
