I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just tell him i said nine months
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Mom said you looked used
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So much rum. So many feels.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
