Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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