I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
