he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
