Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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