ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
