Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
