ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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