dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
as a side note pls kill me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
