I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
