Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
