Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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