i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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