what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
