My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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