I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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