Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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