Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
