did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have fence marks all over my body
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
