I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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