I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
