I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
