I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
