I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
