you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
