I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
