remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
