Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
