did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
