My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
