i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
