He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
