Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
