Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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