Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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