A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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