I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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