You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
