oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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