At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
