i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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