Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.