I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.