Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.