there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
