I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower