Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
