So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
