I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
