we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
