If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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