so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
