FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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