I accidentally burped into my bong.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
