whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
