You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
