I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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