maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
