go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
