me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
