My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
