Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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