Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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