I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
me + whiskey = a bad person
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
