I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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