I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
